Something about ..

Peace upon the readers,

It has been a long time since i blog something tho. In the time i was gone for a while in this insane world i had done a lot of thinking. So much of thinking just made me feel so helpless in helping myself. This is not good.

Well, i don't expect people to read this but this is about how a flesh a meat that pumps those oxygen carrier through our body feels like theres a crack in it's flow and the flesh itself start to feel like dying. This is just too emo for the kind of people like me.

I believe there is happiness but between all of those things in this world we could not get everything. For example, you can only ever achieve 2/3 of what you want. If you want fame you could get wealth but not happiness and if you want to be happy you could not simply have all such as looks and other thing that you dream of.

So what i am telling here is that i am not even any near to 2/3 of what i am saying. I am grateful with what i have but as a normal human being it is normal to have that feeling to have someone that love you the way you are even though you had done mistakes to them.I hate this feelings SOOO FUCKING MUCH!.

I have this problem when everytime i try to talk to someone and they are staring at me in the face ready to listen to whatever that i am going to say and suddenly another person came and talk to them and the person trying to listen to what i am saying just forgot i am there. Oblivion. I fucking hate that. I dont want to be remembered but i just wish that i am not forgotten.

Yeah, i am fucking emo tonight.

I am sorry for all the harsh word i wrote.
That is all for now. Peace out.

Dejavu in a dream feels real

I am sure that most of us had a terrible relationship before. Some end up because of the fault of one side that felt the relationship is not worth anymore or there is no love in it. My story is not far from the fact that i wrote. But never mind that.

So, during the phase where we kinda had this shitty moments where being single is ok and "Forever Alone" terms is the best phrase that suits us. To be honest, that moments suck! seeing others happy is just a pain in the eye but sadly that is the truth. It sure makes us wonder why did we ever screw the relationship. The biggest ego steps in and surely trying to cover up the wrongs of our doings. Fucking screw that!

At the first place we should had been trying harder to save the relationship we build soo long and it just took a while only to destroy it. But since those heart breaking tormenting moments had pass by just let it be and move on with your life and i am sure during that time you will be having hard time to not thinking of that person. Haha not helping rite?. There will be no joy in all corner. If there is , there is no meaning of life without hardships after all.

Past few month i had this dreams of the person i use to be with. We spoke, we laugh and do the things we stopped doing till now. But it stops when i woke up. It is killing the inside of me very well. I never wanted to dream or having any sort of communication but it keep on coming with all those sweet memories. It kills me though. To be honest, i appreciate the moment we had and will try my best to find what did triggered those good memories just to move on.

People, we hate each other because we did something wrong. What if the wrong part can be permanently avoided and we continue the journey of happiness.  Aint gonna happen aite ? haha supposedly that way i guess....

Well, i am sure there will be more of this. But i am not going to like it.

What i do when i'm bored

 So i have been sorting some files in my laptop cause THEY ARE A MESS ! haha :p and somehow i found one of the video i edited out last time when i had my semester break. It's a video of my friend lips miming or something like that or you could say singing of a song called " havoc ".

That song was a hit during that time and out of boredom all of us suddenly planning on making some videos and i recorded it during that time. It sure gave me a smile when i watch that video again and again cause all of them there even the one not in the video are considered as my family.

 They always make plans and stick together to do anything, it sure is fun tho :)

Hope you enjoy the video :D

Letter from your son.

Dear father,

 Today is 23rd of April. Which only have one meaning to me. It is your 53rd birthday J . Sincerely I have problem with memorizing people’s birthday including you but thankfully my sister had told me earlier before midnight. The night of your birthday. With this hard to memorizing problem I had, I felt as if I had failed to be good son. It might seem nothing but to me your birthday should be celebrated not only today but every day. I am grateful that god gave me chance to keep on breathing and still have the chance to talk to you and spend my time with you.

But lately I have not spent most of my time with you. For some teenagers reason parts of me just wanted to hang out with my friend and some of it with my family. We might spend some time eating and chatting in front of the tv or well most of the time just watching tv in silent. I never think those were the kind of quality time with you I seek. Deep in my heart I truly wanted you to stop working and me myself give all of what I have for you to spend. Give you all what you ever dream of what you wanted to have. 

Going on a vacation together was the kind of quality time that I can ever think of. I wish we could do more than that. You tried to give some advice sometimes but us, your children sometimes rebel against you and tried to give our own opinion. But every time you gave me those advices I will try and keep on hold to it. 

With everything that you gave to me, I never think that I can ever repay it with any kind of price in any form. It sickens me to think of one day that you will be gone and I might not have the chance to see you again. I am sure that I will never be ready for that day. There is always a pain in my chest that scares of that day. My eyes feels heavy as in I am about to cry as I am writing this letter right now. But in sha Allah :’) I will try my best in my best effort I will try to be a solleh(Good) son that you hope I would be.

I might not be as good as you expected but with god will. I will pray hard that I will be and for you I will always pray jannah(heaven) for you. I don’t know how to show how deep I feel towards my family but I will try in many ways so you and the others will understand what am I trying to tell.

I always wish the best for you dad. If you ever read this letter I wrote I just hope you know that I love you. Happy birthday dad.

-Airaz-

Fun thing

  Busy busy busy, well i have been quite busy lately with the event that had happened at my institution. SOMEHOW, i was selected to be one of the photographer during the Open Day that day. I did not expect to get that kind of of opportunity for myself tho :') it sure make me feel more ermm... trustable and responsible haha.
  Never the less, my job was done without any problem except for the tiring effect after the work is done pfffttt. But i should not complain about it cause i do love taking picture and freeze the happy memory into a single picture for us to look back. Sounds dull but that is me :p

  So there is a few picture that i have taken during that day,

The good thing about taking picture is that i get to go anywhere and everywhere. But some of the shots does not seems to be in the way of how i imagine it to be.

Actually, i also have passion in doing videos but its all about the gadget aite? what is the use of loving to do something that you do not have ? it is just frustrating... hmmm

who cares about that, as long as i have the passion i will go for it and scavenge all the opportunity that i can get.

" Passion is the fuel and i will burn to make it brighter so everyone can see how deep and passionate i am "
 -A-

I am guessing that i am talking something non-sense again i guess. haha :)

well,

i guess thats for now. Peace out.

Lift up the burden

 It has been a while since i last blog. The thing is, for last week i had been sick for the whole week. To make it worst that week is my final exam week which means i have got to study 24/7 but i end up busying myself sleeping, coughing, sneezing and etc all the time. I just hope that my results does not drop.

                                                                    * Finger Cross *

 What am i doing haha, i have god. As long as i pray and keep up with the good work hopefully he will lead me to success. Praise upon him Allah the Almighty.

 Never the less, i kept on living and continue my life for that week and SURVIVED it . Yeay haha and the best part of finishing the whole week with all of those exams is went back home and rest for the whole day. I slept like i never slept before that day and woke up super late. The feeling of satisfaction was beyond my body haha what i mean is its like in the morning you woke up and stretch your body so that is how i felt. Awesome aite.

 That sunday 6th March, i went for a ride with my best buddy fitri. It was awesome ! why awesome ? because every first sunday for each month Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia have this event where some of the road in Kuala Lumpur is closed for people to cycle.It also include people that wanted to go for jogging, roller blading and other form of vehicle type that does not use engine. I really appreciate those movement on doing those kind of event because that is just my thing haha. For all foreigner, all of you are invited to join this kind of activity here in Kuala Lumpur we welcome you people :) and if you people are planning on coming to hang out in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia feel free to invite me too. Who know that we can be friends.

Picture of that morning

Anddd recently i was thinking about making a youtube video. Should i ?

Thats all for now. Peace out.

Live Your Life While You Can But Don't Forget God

  Readers, Peace Upon You. So for last week something had happened to me. I mean something had happened to me and my hommies. What exactly happened ? "someone" starts a plan which take place at our usual coffee place. The plan is actually to go hiking at Puchong to find this Blue Lagoon place which all of us had heard that the place were superbly awesome. Go search for "Puchong Blue Lagoon" for more info. So our journey starts tomorrow afternoon which supposedly to be in the morning but so much for our "Malay promises" that the journey starts late. 

  We arrived there between 1.00-1.30pm and the plan had to be on hold because one of the car that my friend drove got lost and came late at that place but nevermind that. So the official time we start our journey was around 2pm. Then later on, we start hiking. I can say the hills to the entrance of the blue lagoon was really really tiring. One of my friend actually fainted because of her present physical at that time. Well i'm not surprised why she fainted tho haha. I'm such a terrible friend. But no worries i did help her as much as i could and after a while we continued the journey and found our self at a junction which lead us to a restriction place and a normal trail. 

   Base on the information that we gathered we had to go through the restriction place to get to blue lagoon and that is when the suffocation starts. So the trail had been chosen so we go in. The first thing in my mind is how far that place is because that forest is literally A Forest. I can't say it's just like our backyard forest or something that but this is the real deal. With limited mineral water supply and line to call others we just jump right in into the place that we don't even know what to expect. 

  For the first 2 hours all of us were confident with the trail but hopes were crumble when the sky starts to darken a little and drinking supply depleting slowly. Most of us were exhausted as if we were walking non stop for an unknown number of kilometers but positive thinking is the only things that keep us walking. 1 hour later we decided that we are lost and some of us think that walking back was the only best option but the slope and surface going back was almost impossible for some of us to go back. This had made me think about god over and over again of what will happened to me and what if i died in that forest and my sins were not forgiven and a lots of other things too.

  That moment had made me think deep on how precious life is and how bad we had been in this world. As a human, god give life for a reason so we can worship him and be kind to others. During the journey all of us never take care of our manners in the jungle. Disrespect the livings in the forest was a bad choice. Maybe that had made us walk for hours without any sense of direction or end. God might also test us during that time so we endure it with patient as much as we could so we walk and walk without stop.

 Praise to Allah that our misery had stop to an end when we suddenly found someone walking at the open walking trail. I forgot to mention all of us were so unprepared we walk in that jungle for 4-5 hours using slippers haha.

  Later after we had reach to where we park our car, all of us directly went to the nearest supermarket and buy drinks for every and each of us. The time that we had that water the feeling of gratefulness was beyond words. All of us rest for a while and laugh at what we had gone through. It was scary and enjoyable experience at that time. 

  When everyone is ready to go back , one of us suggest to go for a swim to a swimming pool at Damansara later. So all of us went. It's quite far but by the time when all of us arrived there we just can't wait to get into the pool. The feeling when i deep my body into the pool was relaxing. The place also have a sauna place which makes us feel even better after a verrrryyyy cold dip into the pool.

  When all of those activities had been done all of us straight away went back home and let me tell you, for the next day i woke super late and the experience that i had the day before was like never happened.

There is a video and some picture of us during that day :) enjoy

I guess thats all for now. Peace Out.

My way of resolving my problemo~

  This past few days ive been annoyed by some unwanted force. I think everyone will have the same problem if they gone through the same problem as i did. The thing is they might have the authority of doing this but that kind of law is just bullshit.

Lets get deeper with this topic

  So the problem is about the law at my current studying place. I just cant stop thinking how stupid the law of having long hair until our collar is a crime there. How the hell in this world having those long hair disturbing us ? Except for those hippies that doesnt comb or clean their hair nicely but that is a different matter. Now its about that part of having a long hair and get sued because of that stupid thing is just genuinely stupid.
  As a human i oppose that kind of law. What if some people they feel more comfortable with having long hair ? What if having long hair somehow can increase the quality of their studies ? Some might think this sounds stupid but its the truth.

The reason i feel this kind of law is bullshit:

1. Its just stupid
2. I dont feel like cutting my hair
3. I feel comfortable with long hair
4. The reason still staying at stupid level

  I know that the law are meant to make all students look nice and more dicipline but cant we long haired people look nice with this kind of style ? As long as our eye are not blocking or interupting our view there is never let me repeat NEVER going to have any problem looking at what we are studying.
  So in order to go through this annoying problem i have to wake up early at 7a.m just to go thru the guard without having them to check on me eventhough my class starts at 9 and i have to sacrifice some of my precious time just for this injustice law and this what happened this morning at 7a.m Malaysia time.
  When our first time in that place (The institution) we have to pay a certain amount of deposit but im sure that money going to be burned just like that just because of this silly reason. Some said after 5 times you have been sued the coming number then you will have to start paying those tickets. Also, our deposited money will be cut during the 5 time thingy and im sure you know how my place here make their extra money. By sueing the student here.
  Well never the less all of this is just my wish or you can say its just my opinion. Maybe some of you agree with me maybe some doesnt then go ahead and give me a comment we should share info though.
  So there is this picture of me crumpling the ticket/resit whatever they called that. But im pretty sure that the person that gave me this is piss off cause i did crumple it instantly infront of him when he gave me the ticket/resit.

I guess thats all for now. Peace out.

Question ?

  What if i have a choice to make something worth more. I wish i could. Well, what do i mean by something ? Its actually me. So it doesnt count as something right ?. The reason im thinking this way is because i feel like i could change my self to be a better person but there is something holding on to me. My past ? My problems ? Or something else ? So for this time i would like to ask a lot of question why i feel this way.

                                    * Drum role *

  The answer to my question is that i feel like a sinner. Some might say " hey, everyone is a sinner so dont worry about it. At some point we change for the better and sometimes too we forgot that we are that not that good or that bad " . Well, what im trying to say here is that i feel like during the daylight im doing good stuff and night time which there is time when im a good person and some i might not be. By saying im not a good person doesnt refers me as a murderer or other serious isued people etc. Its actually more to private matters. I wish i could solve this problem and not just by word like this but physically solve it. I wont hope much for people that read my blog to understand this but time is the only problem now. If only i can speed up time and all my works are done im sure when the time is right i can make my wish to come true.
  I just hope all my doings are bless and i wont have to face the ugliness of the reality and im sure there is reasons why god make my problem this way. This is a waiting game and patient is the only key to success.

P.s

For those who did not understand good for you.
If you readers would like to give advise please give me your comments. If only i have any readers. Haha.

I guess thats all for now. Peace out.

Good life means good surroundings

  Dear blog. Haha it feels like i have a diary but for everyone to read it. Ok, today it feels like the day went on very well. Syukur alhamdulillah. Lately ive been keep in track with my life schedule. Making sure my prayers are done and works and everything laaa so it wont give a headache in future.
  Having good friends around me that lead me to be a better person is such a bless. I am gratefull and feel like world means something to live for. If not it feels like i living in an empty space trying to fill it with my stupid doing and some other crazt stuff. Im guessing this is part of growing up.

" God shows us the bad way to teach us and the right way to lead us"

  I sure sound like those religous kind of people aite. Well dont get me wrong. Those people are awesome im just trying to be better in my own way. Maybe some habits die harder than it should be. Haha.
  I should start thinking how to make friends more now. It feels like i know a lot of people but most of them is just like "kenalan" i dont really know to explain it but that is how i put it. And maybe just maybe i might find the girl for me to live for and bring her to the place where we call heaven/jannah it would a superb ending. MashaAllah.
  Well let time tell the story, patiently endure the day and pray for the best. That is islam way.

I guess thats all for now. Peace out.

Open heart

  Lately ive been a bit of a jerk i guess. There is this girl which i usually chat with. Well i kinda left not chatting at all with her quite a while though.

        * I know girls, im such a jerk right ? *

  Well, to be honest. I was upset about something that day cause i was expecting some respond from her and she was like... Nevermind. But i know at the first place it was my fault. Anyway i was planning on apologising but mannn. Its either ego or shame right now im feeling it.
  Usually i would just fuck up my ego and straight away say sorry but this time it feels a bit different in a way. Maybe, just maybe that i need to open my heart to say sorry to more people more often. Saying sorry is just hard this day.
  People would rather fight each other even if that person you would know is your family and at some point they even stop talking at once and move away forever. So much for a mountain of egoness in our heart.
  For the problem now im guessing a simple sorry should be nice. Simple but meaning-full.

P.s*
girl, if you ever read this Ermmm im sorry ok. Sincerely my self.

I guess thats all for now. Peace out.

Is it on yet ?

  Sometimes i just wish that i can sue some application that failed to do what u wish for. It is 1000% freakin nonsense hoping for it to work. Being a person that can produce an awesome idea or word once in a while is just a terrible shame cause the world should be hearing me out. Hahaha.
  Ok enough, its like im talking to my self now. But whatever tho, im used to it. I might not be the best person to be talking to but the only thing that think when im talking to others is to make them happy. Nothing much nothing less.
  Talking to strangers might not work well on me but if i have talked to that person even once that is just good enough for me to start my stupid silly jokes. And warning to others if the jokes hit you hard i sincerely apologies in the depest way. Alright big smile :) .

I guess that all for now. Peace out.

Physical and mental stable

  As i plan my day, i was supposed to be guarding the hall but end up went to my room back again. The thing is i invited one of my friend there and left him with some other people. I just feel like im jerk and if you ever read this im trully sorry. Haha. Seriously i am.
  I spend my time wrestle and talking about girls most of the time there before i went back home. When i said wrestle yes practically wrestle. The name is Hafiz and he literally lock my neck and almost choke me to death but that is what is what we called wrestle aite.
  Never the less its awesome we had done those stuff cause at least i know how appreciate life more after this.

I guess thats for now. Peace out.

Awesome but weird

  Morning at GMI , been waking up early and fall back to sleep again haha. But thats normal i guess.
  So i went for breakfast before class starts today and found some people asking for charity and they gave me those stuff. Look at the picture young people. Haha.
  Somehow those stuff give me some weird vibe tho. But i guess thats just how my body say euww to those picture.
  Anyhow the picture is for checking some of your body part either if its on good condition.

I guess thats for now. Peace out.

Clueless shit

  It has been a while again since ermm the last time haha. And hello again to talking to myself yeayyy. Not really. But that is what i can only say for now.
  For some reason the weather is getting better here. I wish it last forever though cause it has been blazzing hot outside. I even have sore throat and that is freakin annoying.
  Plus for this week i got an event going on at my place. I wish the weather is going to be gentle on us. Anyway the view sure is awesome as usual here.

I guess thats all. Peace out.